WASHINGTON, D.C. — The U.S. Senate convened today to begin the confirmation hearing of Kamala Harris, President Trump’s controversial nominee for the newly established position of Secretary of Time. Despite anticipation for the historic moment, the hearing quickly descended into confusion as Harris demonstrated her signature ability to answer questions without ever really answering them.
A Circular Dance Around Time
Senators from both sides of the aisle posed a series of questions to Harris about her plans for managing the Department of Time. While her enthusiasm was evident, her responses left many scratching their heads.
When Senator Tom Cotton asked how she would address the unequal distribution of leap years, Harris responded: “Well, Senator, that’s an excellent question, and I believe it’s one that really brings us to the essence of time itself. Because, you see, time is not just about clocks or calendars. It’s about moments, about possibilities, and about understanding that tomorrow is, in fact, just today waiting to happen.”
Cotton visibly struggled to maintain composure before attempting to rephrase his question. Harris, undeterred, launched into an anecdote about her childhood fascination with sundials.
Time Keeps on Slipping
Senator Josh Hawley pressed Harris on the Department’s budget, asking if she planned to introduce any specific reforms to avoid unnecessary government spending. Harris replied: “Senator, when we talk about budgets, we are really talking about the intersection of time and resources. And when resources meet time, we find that time is, in fact, the ultimate resource—because once it’s gone, you can’t get it back.”
The room fell silent as the audience attempted to unpack her statement.
Bipartisan Frustration
Even Democratic Senator Chuck Schumer seemed exasperated by Harris’s answers, asking her directly whether she supported extending February to 29 days annually, a proposal she previously floated in her column. Harris smiled and replied: “Senator, February is, I think, a month that really captures the spirit of resilience. It’s short, but mighty. And when we think about resilience, we must also think about the resilience of time itself.”
Schumer sighed, muttering under his breath, “That’s not even close to an answer.”
Critics and Supporters Weigh In
While critics accused Harris of dodging questions and wasting the Senate’s time, her supporters praised her as a “visionary thinker.”
“She’s redefining what it means to answer a question,” said a Harris supporter outside the Capitol. “She’s operating on a level the rest of us just don’t understand yet.”
Meanwhile, Twitter exploded with reactions, with hashtags like #KamalaTime and #SecretaryOfConfusion trending within hours. One user quipped: “Kamala Harris's confirmation hearing feels like watching someone try to explain time travel in interpretive dance.”
The Clock Ticks On
The hearing will continue tomorrow, with some senators already expressing doubts about her ability to lead the Department of Time. Still, Harris remains optimistic, telling reporters as she left the chamber: “Today is today, and yesterday was today yesterday. Tomorrow, when it becomes today, will be the present we look back on. And I look forward to that present.”
As the Senate deliberates, one thing is clear: time may wait for no one, but it seems even more confused now than ever.