Opinion: Kamala’s Kolumn – “Word Salad with a Side of Wisdom”
By Kamala Harris, Former Vice President of the United States
Hello, my fellow Americans—or should I say, my former fellow colleagues in the great experiment we call democracy! It’s me, Kamala Harris, coming to you from the sunny side of life post-office, where I’m not only reimagining what it means to be but also, quite frankly, what it means to reflect on having been.
You see, life is like a Venn diagram, and I love Venn diagrams. Imagine one circle is “Leadership,” another circle is “Public Service,” and the third circle is “Everyone Pretending They Don’t Hear Me Laugh Nervously at Press Conferences.” Right in the middle, that’s where I am! Or rather, where I was.
Now, as I embark on this new chapter, I’ve partnered with the fine folks here at Not Quite News to bring you a weekly column where we’ll explore the big questions, the little questions, and the medium-sized questions that somehow still feel big. Questions like: What does it mean to move forward? What does it mean to look back? And what happens when you try to do both at the same time? Spoiler alert: you trip, just like Joe.
Why I’m Doing This
When I left office—well, I didn’t leave leave, but, you know, I departed—I thought, “Kamala, what’s next? What’s the next big thing you can do for the American people?” And then it hit me. Not literally, because that would be a health hazard, but metaphorically: words. Words are powerful, aren’t they? They can inspire. They can confuse. And, if used correctly, they can fill an entire column while saying... well, not much at all.
So every week, I’ll be here to discuss the issues that matter most. Things like democracy, climate change, and why Donald Trump insisted on installing a golden fountain in the White House Situation Room. I’ll share my insights, my experiences, and, most importantly, my unique ability to say a lot of things without actually committing to a single point.
What You Can Expect
In the coming weeks, we’ll talk about topics that are both serious and not-so-serious. We’ll revisit the great moments of my vice presidency, like the time I stood behind Joe Biden while he said... something. We’ll tackle hard-hitting questions like, Why do people say “Word Salad” like it’s a bad thing? Salad is healthy! And we’ll even dive into how I managed to maintain a 45-minute cackle streak when asked about the border.
A Personal Promise
Now, I know some people might think, “Kamala, why are you doing this? Haven’t we heard enough from you?” And to them, I say: No. Because, as I’ve always said, “We do what we do because we do it, and that’s why we do it.”
So buckle up, America, because every week I’ll bring you my unfiltered thoughts, my untamed musings, and maybe a few inspirational quotes I Googled five minutes before writing. Together, we’ll laugh, we’ll cry, and we’ll probably reread some sentences twice just to figure out what I was trying to say.
Until next week, remember: life is like a circle. Or a square. Or maybe it’s an oval. Whatever shape it is, let’s just make sure it’s inclusive, okay?
Warm regards (but not too warm, because climate change),
Kamala
