“This is the dawn of a new era,” Newsom declared, pausing to catch his breath after pedaling the last mile uphill. “No more smog, no more oil spills, and no more blaming your car for skipping leg day. Together, we’re going to pedal California into a greener future.”
The new vehicles, officially branded as Eco-Stones, feature open floors for foot propulsion, minimalist wooden frames, and wheels fashioned from recycled bowling balls. While they lack traditional amenities like air conditioning or seatbelts, they come equipped with an optional canopy made of biodegradable palm fronds.
Mixed Reactions From Californians
Residents have expressed a wide range of reactions to the announcement. Fitness enthusiasts are celebrating the change, viewing it as the perfect way to integrate cardio into their daily commutes. “I’m already seeing gains just driving to work,” said Venice Beach local and amateur bodybuilder Tony “Thunder Thighs” Rodriguez.
Others, however, are less enthused. “I live in San Francisco. Have you seen those hills?” complained commuter Clara Bell. “I’ll need a personal trainer just to make it to the grocery store.”
Despite the challenges, state officials are optimistic about the transition. To encourage adoption, California is offering tax credits for households that trade in gas-powered vehicles for foot-powered models. Additional credits are available for residents who commit to wearing “sustainable footwear,” such as hemp sandals or bare feet, while driving.
Logistical Challenges
The transition hasn’t been without its hiccups. Local highway patrol officers have raised concerns about enforcement, particularly with vehicles that exceed the recommended two-foot horsepower. “We’re already seeing some people trying to soup these things up by strapping rollerblades to their feet,” said Officer Doug Stone of the California Highway Patrol. “It’s getting out of hand—or, should I say, out of foot?”
Infrastructure is also being reimagined. Highways will be resurfaced with softer materials to accommodate the increased foot traffic, and “pull-over pedicure stations” will be installed every 20 miles for drivers experiencing excessive wear and tear.
Environmental Impact
Early projections suggest the move could reduce California’s carbon emissions by 80%, though critics have pointed out the potential for other issues. “Replacing cars with Flintstones vehicles means we’re going to see a significant uptick in foot injuries,” warned podiatrist Dr. Sandy Sole. “Not to mention the strain on chiropractors from drivers leaning forward all the time.”
Meanwhile, Tesla CEO Elon Musk has responded to the ban by teasing a new line of electric-powered Flintstones cars called Tesla Pebbles. “It’s like the Model 3, but with extra legroom for your feet,” Musk tweeted.
Looking Ahead
While some Californians are skeptical about the practicality of foot-powered vehicles, others are embracing the change as a necessary step toward sustainability. “Sure, my calves are on fire, and I’m always late to work,” said Los Angeles resident Maya Lopez. “But I’ve never felt closer to my ancestors—or my personal trainer.”
Governor Newsom remains optimistic. “California has always been a trendsetter,” he said. “Who knows? Maybe in a few years, the entire country will be cruising around like Fred and Wilma. And if not? Well, at least we’ll have the best legs in the nation.”