Election Results Impacted By Facebook


ELECTION 2014 lThe analysts have been predicting for years that Facebook and other social media sites would forever alter the face of american politics and it appears that this year they have been proved correct. While all of the voting precincts have not reported as of this writing, the exit polls show that the vote here has been impacted by one person doing a complete turnabout.The name of this individual voter has not been released but it is known that they changed their political views completely after reading the political rants posted by several of their Facebook friends.

Sources close to the situation have provided the following statement from this individual.

I was prepared to vote a straight party line ticket as I have for years when I started to reconsider based on all of the political posts I had seen on Facebook. They finally made me realize that I had been completely wrong about which political party was based on Universal Truths. All of my lifelong strongly-held beliefs were mere foolishness and I never would have known if it had not been for Facebook. It is scary to think that I almost unfriended the very people who worked so tirelessly to convince me that I was an idiot. They were trying to do me a favor by showing me the error of my ways. I now know they are not only my true friends but they are much smarter than I am.

I need to join them in posting endless diatribes against the cretins who still believe in the things I once believed in. It is what friends do for friends – even when their friends are cretins.

Upon hearing that there was now incontrovertible evidence that one person had changed their political views based on reading Facebook, NQN contacted R. Langdon, noted political commentator and professor of Political Science. Dr. Langdon noted that

It was inevitable that this would happen. Each generation uses a different source to inform their political views.

Baby Boomers have been content to base their political views first on whatever pissed off their parents but then later in life they denied that ever happened and adopted the same views held by Mom and Dad.

Generations X and Y have used the tried and true method of basing their politics on the views of their favorite celebrities since years of performing, being on reality TV and/or substance abuse have given them acute insights into the working of a democracy.

Millennials start out just trying to piss off their parents. However, once each individual comes to realize their unique role in the center of the universe, millennials begin to use social media to piss off anyone who does not agree with them. Methods vary from refusing to “like” someones post to using anonymous online identities to threaten them with violence.

Now all of these generations have come together through social media to let their friends know just how wrong-headed they think they are. It really is a new day in America.

NotQuiteNews will continue our election coverage throughout the day assuming there is anything interesting enough to bother reporting.

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