What Does an Independent Scotland Mean For James Bond?

What England is to the Culinary Arts, Scotland is to Music.

As the September 18, 2014, referendum on Scotland’s independence draws nearer, more questions are being raised on the potential ramifications. While some news pundits are debating the impact of independence on the country’s currency (Is it the pound, the euro or a new currency based on Scrooge McDuck’s gold reserve?), there are weightier issues that have yet to be uncovered. Possibly the greatest of these is just what will happen to the numerous fictional characters of Scottish descent?

In particular, if Scotland declares its independence, what happens to James Bond? Is he out of a job or does he change his allegiance to some new (yet to be formed) Scottish Secret Service? In the case of the later, can we begin now to come up with a better name for such an agency? These things need to be thought through before anyone makes any rash decisions that they will regret later.

For those in the US who may not be familiar with the fundamental issues, the British Isles have seen numerous governmental configurations through the years. Several centuries ago, Scotland and England were two separate countries with the Scots in the North and the Engs in the South. Neither of these should be confused with the Ires who were not even willing to share an island with the other two. Scotland and England were formed based on tribal configurations and varying accents. The Scots were given a lyrical brogue that gives them a charming speech that seems most appropriate when delivered by wizened old geezers with a snootful of whiskey. The Engs on the other hand, have a variety of accents available to them depending on whether they feel like a pompous aristocrat or a chimney sweep on any given day. The two lands have differed drastically in their approach to expansion and global politics. The Engs tended to colonize as many other lands as possible and then feel really guilty about it later. The Scots preferred to wait patiently for someone to discover oil in the North Sea as it involved less overseas travel. Another way to understand the difference between the two lands is to know that England is to the culinary arts as Scotland is to music.

An independence movement has grown over the years as Scots grew tired of seeing Quebec get all the attention in the press by playing hard-to-keep with the rest of Canada. The nascent Scottish independence movement was recently given additional impetus by Hollywood. It seems that many Scots were bothered by having their national heroes portrayed by foreigners. There were a number of people offended by having an Irish Liam Neeson portray Rob Roy McGregor and having an Ameri-stralian Mel Gibson portray William “Braveheart” Wallace. Noted film critic and historian R. Langdon has noted that these slights might be balanced by the fact that both the German ogre in “Shrek” and the vikings in “How to Train Your Dragon” were given Scottish accents for no discernible reason.

To return to the initial question, we will apparently have to wait for the votes to be counted to learn the fate of James Bond and his future employment. Then the next question to be answered will be whether or not Scotland will also declare independence from the United Federation of Planets and if so, will Scotty have to resign his position as Chief Engineering Officer on the Enterprise?If that comes to pass, who will get just a wee bit more power out of the warp engines?

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